Oh Fear, How I Love Thee

We look at "fear," as an abomination, but as we look at the beautiful side of this less understood element we would know how deeply we're connected with our fears and how blindly we're in love with it...

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As an unborn in my mother's womb, I knew not of you. When I was born, I felt secure in her shield of love, and under her wings of protection I crawled the ground. I cried when hunger troubled me, and the merciless sun scorched my skin. I was vulnerable to even the softest wind that carried grains of sand along with it. Yet, I was not troubled by your thought; You did show yourself to me, yet I was not afraid.

I grew, and learned more of this world. Innocently playing in the lawn, I saw a glimpse of you in my peripheral vision. Dressed in a dark robe, you had no face. Your smoky grey and ghostly silhouette, couldn't frighten me, nor did the eight-legged abomination which suspended itself in the air, in my room.  I did recognize you; your unwelcome visit took away my sleep that night.

I was two, I tripped over a brick, and hurt my knee; it left me bleeding. The first cut I remember; the wound healed, but you returned when I wanted to play in the lawn again. I saw your dark shadow near the brick, you started to haunt me ever since. Years passed and you appeared to me innumerable times. Your startling manifestation left me perturbed; this had to stop. I forged an ultimate shield, “lie”.

I tricked you, deceived you, and with 'lies', my cloak of invisibility, I fooled you. I was overwhelmed by my attainment, but soon it filled my heart with despondency, and an air of melancholy swaddled me; I realized that my shield was not ultimate, as it fell apart, it shattered and it was incompetent.

I feel on my face, tasting the bitter ground, wetted with my tears; I prostrated with submission. This was the time you revealed your untold mysteries. My life flashed in front of my eyes; verily I was hallucinating. Yet, I still had supervision over my consciousness; my soul was not yet claimed, contrary to what I anticipated. You falsified my ill understand; you enlightened me with the truth, and refuted my perception.

I realized that you were the reason I survived; you warned me off the wicked strategies. You foretold me of the unseen perils. You brought forth courage in me; I could walk the unknown paths for the 'fear of unknown' made me watchful. My companion succumbed to the bullets of the enemy, he promised that he would make it alive, out of the bloody battleground, with me; he lied, he left me with his wholly mutilated body while his soul departed, but you were with me all along, and the 'fear of death', elevated my weary soul. I fought my way out.

Twenty six years passed, I see you now, with a different perceptive. I see you now, as I saw you as a child; your dark robe and hollow smoky silhouette doesn't scare me any more. You're not a foe; you were that one unswerving faithful companion, who pulled my out of the mouth of death itself. You are the one, who once left the death frightened.

Behold, THE FEAR; oh how I love thee.

Falling Now To Rise Again

Happy? Never been sad ever in your life? Well, please allow me to kindly slap this reality right on your face -  you had been there, haven't you? The times when you know that none of your friends, your so called spiritually-juicy web pages or videos, or anything that claims to pump up your hope can ever help you. You simply lost the connection. They don't relate to you any more.

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It hurts when shit happens to you and that's the only time you REALLY CARE. Sometimes, you don't even need an excuse to loose yourself and give in to your enervating circumstances as they are ready to serve you with despair. With every breath you fill your lungs with dense smoke of poisoning hopelessness. As if death would be an obvious choice that you would have chosen, but somehow you want to smoulder in a seemingly everlasting despondency. It gives you pleasure to be in such a pain. Sometime it does, doesn't it? Did you ever wanted to cut yourself to see if it bleeds? Hurt yourself to know if pain can ever be pleasurable?

How About Some Advice?

I had always imagined a handful of creative ideas to shove those advices back into the windpipes of those who gave them, only because I never wanted to get my hand dirty as I put their advices back from where they really came from - their rectum.

Sir/Ma'am, grant me the pleasure to serve you with another bitter truth - there are more fingers in your left hand than the number of people who really care for you. And if you're lucky to have those who care for you then hold them close with whatever you have and never let them go. Never trade them for anything else. I wasn't that lucky. You see, they sympathized to my situation just because they knew that laughing out loud would have been too rude.

Wish Facebook Had An Empathy Meter

I had more than 350 "friends" on Facebook, but I was all alone when I needed someone to talk to. When I posted my predicament in the most eloquent way I could, no one cared to read or react. That was the time when I wished that Facebook should also have had an empathy meter to rate how much people care for you on a scale of 1 to 10.

Fall And Rise Again

You know what's good for you and what's not. Sometimes you don't an advice but you still seek them because you want to hear what you want to hear, and you want to hear it from the the people who pamper you. You expect them to treat you the same every time without fail and with no exceptions. You know, all you need to do is loosen up and give in.

I think those advices never instantly worked for me. I takes time and that's what we need to give to ourselves.

Here is what you can do:

1. Cut the source of agony: Detach yourself from what's hurting you. If you can't ignore it, move away from it as far as you can.
2. Don't fight the memories: You can't stop memories from haunting you. You must face them. There's no easy way to erase them of your mind; not that I know off. It's like me telling you NOT to think about the colour white. Did you just think about "white?" If you did then you just got my point. You can't remind your mind to forget something because the moment you're doing that you're actually thinking about the memory, and unequivocally empowering the thought. You're giving it a new life so it can reappear. Memories are there for a reason. These are gifts you must carry. They teach you something new. They conduce to the making of the new you. When they come don't be afraid. Just don't react to them. They will come and they will go. Don't get stuck with them. They will pass if you let them to.
3. Give in and fall: Yes, falling into that dark horrible pit you're scared of is what you might need to do. People get caught in their own fight to prove to themselves that they're stronger, that they don't need help, they're phlegmatic and don't feel pain. They can be stubborn to prove their point. All it takes is stop fighting. Cry all you want. Scream out to God or any other imaginary deity (What, did you say imaginary?) you think you can blame and move on. You know what, crying can actually help you recover. Don't believe me unless you check out these links: Crying - Powerful stress buster and healer and Stress buster to the rescue!.
4. Inner peace ain't a joke: No, I haven't attained nirvana and found inner peace but the process did help me a lot. Calming the tempest in your mind can be tough. Meditation can help you get through it. Check out these links: Meditation for Peace of Mind, and 3 Practices to calm an anxious mind. 
5. What if you can't do any of that: Can't do any of that? Just sit down and be comfortable, close your eyes and watch your breath. Do it as far as it lasts. Either you will fall asleep or you will snap back to reality which you apparently never left. 
6. Indulge yourself: Involve yourself in something that gives you happiness. You know what I do? I write, play basketball, play guitar, go for a lone ride, or try to make people laugh. No, don't you dare try to carry that gloomy face while you're doing something you love. You know you can't play basketball or make people laugh with a sad face. Oh yeah you're starting to get it. Preferably, try to do something that involves friends. Get your sore butt out in public and meet people. Never try to be a spot of attention and tell people you're sad. In my personal opinion (no, don't shove it up my butt), you don't have to necessarily excessively share your sadness because people don't like being sad. The person you're looking at, himself/herself, might just be a replica of you who is looking forward to meet happy people. It's okay to share but don't bother them much.You don't need their sympathy. Try to give everything you have in doing something you like and with time you will notice that things that bothered you don't bother you much any more and soon you will watch it fade into nihility (or close to it) where it doesn't bother you at all. It would be a part of you but it won't hurt.

You know that universe tries to bring you things you think about. It lines up what you want and feel deep in your heart. Believe in yourself and try to be happy whenever you can. Did you notice that I said "whenever you can?" That's because we're humans and it's not possible for us to be the Joker from a Batman movie or ever happy yellow smiley from an emoticon list. You can be sad, but make sure you kick out of it soon, be aware that you're sad and it's time to switch emotions. Distract yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy.

See you soon again.